Friday’s Are For Families…

When I was five, ten, fifteen, twenty or even twenty-five, I never allowed myself to fully dream of having a family. I always thought I was not good enough for God to bless me with one. Not to mention I did not believe I could be a part of a safe family. Hope emerged when Joe and I got engaged -however fear kept it at bay.

As Joe and I lost child after child due to the fact that I could not carry a child to term. The night and couple of days that we both stayed in bed knowing I had a non viable pregnancy, yet I had to allow that baby to remain in my uterus because there needed to be more tests to be sure the baby was really not viable – was so, so painful. I still have a sense of devastation swipe across my being as I remember it over 20 years later.

In those days, I began to wonder again, if I would indeed never hear the pitter patter of little feet. I thought I was being punished by the abuse that occurred in my childhood. I pushed those feelings down and tried to go about life.

Then came more miscarriage, followed by infertility. We ran into every road block. Then a call to Georgia came and while preparing for our meeting with the church board, I saw an ad for an adoption agency. I wondered if this was a bit of a sign, I have no idea what adoption agency it was pointing too, we accepted that call.

Nine months after we actually moved to Georgia we had the sound of a 16 year olds feet in our home and the cries of a new born baby, just five days later. Yet, I was afraid that was all be to good to be true and something was going to be taken from me – remember I thought I wasn’t good enough.

Yet fast fast forward almost 19 years I still have those two precious children in my life, a son in law, and completely amazing grandchildren who call me Oma. I also have a dear husband and his extended family.

So today I experience what I dreamed about and thought never possible for me – a family where laughter, tears and everything in between was a okay.

Fridays have become full of Uncle Zach being the highlight and coolest person in the world by 3 young nephews. Pizza’s were always in the oven. I got to chat with my daughter and son in law. I had a family – a dream come true! Praise be to God!!