Gathering the Gleanings: Reflections on Life in the Ministry

Andy Williams wrote a song for the Christmas Season with the title “It’s The Most Wonderful Time of the Year”. Well I say maybe, maybe not! You see it’s meant in both the secular world and the Christian world to be joyful. As people in the world go into a store or listen to a radio station, what’s blasting is Christmas music. Joyful music – music that implies it is indeed “the most wonderful time of year”. In fact you can’t excape the music or the communeriusm of Christmas from Thanksgiving till Christmas Day. Then there is the Christmas season within the Christian world. We begin with the first Sunday of Advent by lighting the Advent wreath and then every Sunday there after – Peace, Hope, Joy and Love. All things that are meant to draw us into the excitement of the Christmas Season (and in some ways they do, and we will get to that). Yet these celebrations often become lost in the chaos of life, especially those who are just not in the celebration mood.

I had a loved one say to me recently, well a couple of weeks ago, “that they were not feeling festive”! I totally got it, it was exactly what I had been feeling at a deep level this Christmas. I felt alone, even with dozens of people around me. I felt down and unworthy, I felt like I was going through the motions of the secular Christmas season.

The Christian celebration of Christmas was filled with mixed emotions. I love the music of Advent. I love watching the excitment and glow of people’s faces as they are experiencing “this most wonderful time of year”. From the pulpit and the front of the church, you get a unique few – you see the tears welling up in peoples eyes and the downcast looks on their faces. They are hurting and grieving, feeling alone and lost. Perhaps beating themselves up because they believe that they are expected to be full of joy and light. Instead they were going through the motions of both the secular Christmas, buying presents and putting up decorations and they were even going through the motions at church, participating in decorating and special activities, trying hard to do with it a smile on their faces. Yet I wonder how many got in their cars and let a few (or lots) of tears flow down their faces. Did they beat their steering wheels because they didn’t feel joyful, they were angry and possibly even wondered where Emmanuel, God with Us was. Because they didn’t feel the presence of God.

I get so many Christmases have gone by where I didn’t feel festive, it wasn’t the “most wonderful time of year”. I struggle with triggers that spin me round and round. My medical team works extra hard to be sure I’m as Ok as possible. Yes, I have lots of family that love me, I have friends who surround me however I don’t usually have the joy deep inside. Childhood trauma often takes away the joy of lots of things and for me one of those times is Christmas.

Having children and grandchildren bring back some of that joy. I love to watch their excitment as they get to watch the lights of the tree or the drive the around town with the glow surrounding them. They can’t wait to see a present under the tree with their name on it – they spend a great amount of time trying to figure out what it might be. Then there are those moments on Christmas morning when you totally blow their minds by the gift that you gave them – that happened this year with my son.

Christmas Eve service is also full of light. The light that Christ brings into a dark, dark world – especially this year. The lighting of the candles that brighten the sanctuary as the lights have been dim – take my breath away. The beauty, the awesomeness and in the midst of service singing “Joy to the World”. The light reminds us that even in the darkness we may be experiencing in our personal life there is some degree of peace, joy, love and hope because we have Jesus as our Lord and our Saviour. It doesn’t wipe our grief or pain away however, it does give us a commission to Go Tell It On the Mountain proclaiming Christ is Lord. No matter how we may be feeling – festive or not or feeling as if this is the most wonderful time of year – Christ is in our midst.

One doesn’t out weigh the other it can be and a lot of times is an both and situation. If it hasn’t been the most wonderful time of year, this year or many years, if you not feeling festive, know it’s ok. Take time to feel your emotions, take deep breathes and now that our Lord, God with us, Emmanuel, Prince of Peace, King of Kings will be right there when we can more fully grasp onto his presence.